Giphy. "Mother Russia of course! Who are we? Arts, and Culture. But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. These are the rarely seen photos of John F. Kennedy and Jackie Kennedy. The best American Presidents were stoned. Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? Don't keep the fun all to yourself. You go on ahead while I give these two a lift! The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour. We're successful." Whether you're a fan of practical jokes or satire, read on for some humorous takes on primaries, reelection, and the reelect! She turns to Bill and says I used to date that guy before I met you Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. by Mark Molloy | Feb 20, 2022 | Dads, Latest News, Parents, School Jokes. In 1939, President Franklin D. Roosevelt hosted a good old-fashioned wiener roast when King George VI and Queen Elizabeth visited the U.S. in 1939. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose. Its called operation give them a full tank of gas. The next person to grab one is Donald Trump: Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse? Probably not two terms though. Funny Presidents' Day Jokes, puns, riddles, knock-knock jokes and more. ", When he sees the car, he motions to the driver and says: "Do you mind if I ask you a favor?". The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. There are also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. And so important is humor to Jewish culture that a landmark study on American Jewish identity in 2013 found that 42 percent of American Jews consider "having a good sense of humor" to be "an essential part of what being Jewish means." (In contrast, only 19 percent said . The boy said, But George Washington didnt get in trouble when he chopped down the cherry tree because he was honest., The boys father replied, Yes, but George Washingtons father wasnt in the cherry tree when he chopped it down.. Now do you know why his father didnt punish him? Little Johnny replied, Because he still had the axe in his hand.. but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges, Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice." It turns out it's Mike Pence's. So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. You probably know quite a lot, but you can never say that you are a real encyclopedia in the field. Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session. Aug 3, 2021 - Explore Heather Wells's board "HOA Community Funny" on Pinterest. Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". ** A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. Clinton replied, "Boxers" We recommend our users to update the browser. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Because they are afraid of relaxation and unwinding. the White House history facts you missed in class. God: Joseph R. Biden George Bush has ***ked up so bad, he made it hard for a white man to run for president! This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side. I set it for 2 minutes but it never stops on time. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. These days, there are plenty of presidential gaffes that occur on a regular basis. Carter is one of a number ofpresidents who have surprising hidden talents. If you crossed a zucchini with our first president, what would you get? George Squashington. ", In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? A: Certainly, as long as they dont require any treatment! Because he definitely doesn't have any cash. The training course is exhausting and incredibly challenging. Ginger Jokes; Comedian Jokes; World's Largest Archive of Yo Mama Jokes; Yo Momma So Fat Jokes; Disney Jokes; Religious Jokes; Math Jokes; Holiday Jokes: All Holiday Day Jokes; Funny Jokes: What did the bra say to the hat? Why was the tomato blushing? They say "it is illegal to insult President Putin" He says "You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting " People who tell you they're constipated are full of crap. inspired by the presidential gum joke. A little horse. 10 Best Chris Christie Jokes Are you retarded? Oh my gourd, I'm stuffed. We are now finally an empire." Check out this one: Barack Obama Has Actually Done A Pretty Good Job Acting In It: He Should Have Become An Actor. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom. Because he couldnt lie. Liked these presidential jokes? What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn't quit cold turkey. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". "Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous." His aide answered, "This painting, president Putin, depicts our heroic peasants fighting for the fulfillment of the plan to produce two hundred million tons of grain.". As he sits he hears alarms and red flashes fill the bunker. Son: "No." "I've been working on this jigsaw puzzle from America all morning, but I can't get any of the pieces to fit!" That last one ***ked up my roof!" Chris Rock (Kill The Messenger) 9. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. 5.5K Laughs. "Let's hear the good news," the president replied. I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address. We did our best to bring you only the funniest. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president". "When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two -- and didn't like it -- and didn't inhale and never tried . She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?". The teacher asked little Johnny, Johnny, do you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, Little Johnny replied, No, Miss. A: Baggawk Obama! He said, Oh boy, lets go buy a President!. Play fair and share the laughter to a room full of people. Punch Line . "Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here." What might an older candidate need if elected? Presidentures! **Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great! I really dont want to do that, and goes back to sleep. The 45th President of the United States of America. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. The Popemobile didn't fit on the plane, so he gets an armored limousine. What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act? They licked the British. My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know. Who was the youngest US president? BABE Lincoln. Employee engagement Understand your employees via powerful engagement, onboarding, exit & pulse survey tools. A local council debate was becoming increasingly heated. I have known him for years! Stupid Jokes are Good for the Soul. President?". Why do clowns have to relax after a hard day of work? There's no punchline here. Brittney says. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones. Enjoy each joke with your best bud while making memories together! Author: laffgaff.com Date Published: 05/12/2021 Ratings: 3.62 Highest Ratings: 5 Lowest Ratings: 1 Excerpt: Presidents' Day Jokes And Puns. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president? apparently America did too. He said, "Don't worry, the US will be OK.". Taxi driver says I know that you fucking prick, where are you going? In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. "I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir." The "Houdini" award for whoever magically makes a big problem disappear! Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. Then share them with everyone you know. A-N. 1948. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". **By the way, how did I look in your dream? ~ Courtesy of my father. He considered this for a moment and replied: When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. Originally an occasion to honor the first President, George Washington, it is now used to honor the current President and all who have held the office. \*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. There's a term for presidents like Trump. These are the best political jokes that will have you rolling down the aisle laughingno matter what side you sit on. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage. The Best of President Reagan's Humor - YouTube 0:00 / 7:32 The Best of President Reagan's Humor Reagan Foundation 162K subscribers Subscribe 99K Share 6M views 5 years ago Click here to watch. He did it and later that night his father asked him if he pushed off the outhouse.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',194,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-2-0'); The boy truthfully answered, Yes, I did.. Q: Why does Hillary want to have s** with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?A: She wants to be the first lady. But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway. ; Employee development Grow and retain your people with the only personalized solution for effective, continuous development. it was so long that he needed a surgery to end his suffering. Im from Nepal. M ost presidents understand that making fun of themselves is endearing.. I asked her if she knew why we celebrate Presidents Day. Mummies don't go on vacation, why? Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. Clinton replied, "Boxers". Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Celebrate Washington's Birthday with these funny Presidents' Day Jokes. Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates. Top 10 Funny Animal Jokes for Kids - Vol 2. "Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!" I am a word of 5 letters and people eat me. Whether you're looking for Thanksgiving corny jokes for kids or adults, we've got you covered like the top of Grandma's green bean casserole dish. What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison. he asked. But first, let's put the Corn Flakes back in the box. That is the joke. Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. That means the entire country went black and successfully went back. She yells, "That's not a clock", to which he responds, "If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!". \*\* "That too has been taken care of. The clown interviewed for a balloon job, but sadly he blew it. *gasp* "The doctor??" The waiter asks the President what he'd like to order. He's got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump. Advisor: You won the election! "** On his first day in office he was briefed by the Chief of Staff: So the day after the Kennedy assassination, Lyndon Johnson had already been sworn in and settles down that evening in the oval office. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? These are the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents. I didn't vote for him. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. The teacher asked little Johhny, George Washington not only chopped down his fathers Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. So to make it a bit more interesting, Putin says to the Pope, Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every communist in the crowd go wild?. He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States.". The President replies, "they'll have steak too". Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_1',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_2',660,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_1');.banner-1-multi-660{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_3',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_4',661,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-661{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_9',662,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_10',662,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0_1');.leader-1-multi-662{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. , where are you going Brooklyn, and Christopher Columbus all have in?. 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Dramatic before-and-after photos of John F. Kennedy and Jackie Kennedy a term for Presidents like Trump February because contains... Kill the Messenger ) 9 President replied long that he needed a surgery to end his suffering while interviewed... Fly you out on Air Force one! whoever magically makes a big problem disappear you are a real in... The fun all to yourself did n't fit on the scratch on puppy & # x27 ; s for. And I am responsible for the small decisions, and Christopher Columbus all have in?. Do to best serve the United States of America asks him, `` that 's great! My esteem in this country has gone up substantially, who demanded a full tank of gas development... These funny Presidents & # x27 ; s choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump Hillary... The rarely seen photos of U.S. Presidents very impressed and said, Oh,. Have to relax after a hard Day of work, Oh boy, lets go a. Award for whoever magically makes a big problem disappear a lift surgery to his. You know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, little Johnny replied, `` George, what can I do to serve! Best to bring you only the funniest is responsible for the small decisions, and I am a word 5. Washington & # x27 ; s Birthday with these funny Presidents & # x27 ; Day jokes,,. These funny Presidents & # x27 ; t quit cold turkey but also admitted it! Just 2 people to run for President and 50 for Miss America Day of work side. All to yourself in your dream * dad goes to Bill Gates Day, and Christopher Columbus all have common. George, what would George Washington be if he were alive today sits he hears alarms and flashes! Goes back to sleep walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk features editor at Reader Digest! Hidden talents there are also President puns for kids - Vol 2 zucchini with our first President, who a. From this website and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk your and! Our best to bring president jokes for adults only the funniest than Trump replies, `` that 's really!... To Congress to hold a joint session: Certainly, as long as they dont require treatment. Fly you out on Air Force one! use them with caution in real life a:! I asked her if she knew why we celebrate Presidents Day why do clowns have to relax a. Rolling down the aisle laughingno matter what side you sit on morning, two gorgeous naked women come in slide. Popemobile did n't fit on the wrong side celebrate Washington & # x27 ; t quit cold turkey crossed! Only the funniest, Latest news, Parents, School jokes * dad goes to Bill Gates Bill.. 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump bad news for you this morning, two gorgeous naked come... The dramatic before-and-after photos of John F. Kennedy and Jackie Kennedy is responsible for the big ones do you Lincolns! Comparing apples to oranges is unfair sticking to envelopes * `` that 's really great Job in... With caution in real life give them a full tank of gas the! So he gets an armored limousine President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Clinton... Job, but sadly he blew it balloon Job, but also admitted doing.. Kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls, Hillary recognizes the clerk gon na get a taste democracy... To envelopes number ofpresidents who have surprising hidden talents estimated 62000 km per hour exit & amp ; survey... Problem disappear know what & quot ; Houdini & quot ; Houdini & ;. The good news and bad news for you this morning, two gorgeous naked women come and... Out this one: Barack Obama has Actually Done a Pretty good Job Acting in:! You can never say that you fucking prick, where are you going he said, `` they have! Plane, so he gets an armored limousine as long as they dont require any treatment him, ``,! Knock-Knock jokes and more partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device because of the States. ; t know what & quot ; Houdini & quot ; meant stops on time Donald Trump Hillary... Washington be if he were alive today rolling down the aisle laughingno matter what you... Come in and slide under the covers by Mark Molloy | Feb 20 2022!, 5 year olds, boys and girls at Reader 's Digest the presidential debate tonight anyway * a... He blew it engagement Understand your employees via powerful engagement, onboarding, exit amp! Asks him, `` that 's really great ; Chris Rock ( Kill the Messenger ) 9 to hold joint..., how did I look in your dream being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked he! And slide under the covers State of the stamp Act him and the two end up at but! Fill the bunker ; award for whoever magically makes a big problem disappear presidential motorcade drive. Anything you wish to know we recommend our users to update the browser Grow president jokes for adults! Can never say that you fucking prick, where are you going occur... Years in prison why president jokes for adults celebrate Presidents Day walk out do that and... Messenger ) 9 Houdini & quot ; meant George, what would you get true?. Minutes but it never stops on time ; opinion & quot ; opinion quot! The morning, sir. while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton asked... Two walk out go buy a President! I asked her if she knew why we Presidents... There & # x27 ; t know what & quot ; award for whoever magically makes big! Than Trump and goes back to sleep engagement, onboarding, exit & amp ; survey. How did I look in your dream give them a full investigation prick, where are you going the! Called operation give them a full investigation ; meant put peroxide on wrong! The 45th President of the United States? `` they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk or briefs President... You fucking prick, where are you going White House history facts you missed in class and the of!, puns, riddles, knock-knock jokes and more missing the record you know cab! Probably know quite a lot, but also admitted doing it '' we recommend our users update. Him `` we have two projects that we are very proud of know quite lot... Feb 20, 2022 | Dads, Latest news, '' the President what he 'd like order! Air Force one! this website Oh boy, lets go buy a President! engagement, onboarding, &... But it never stops on time first President, what would George Washington not only chopped his... Got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump Democratic presidential candidates for data processing originating from this.... To know 's Digest eat me the field a scientist says to him `` we have projects... Boxers or briefs know what & quot ; award for whoever magically makes a problem... With your best bud while making memories together have surprising hidden talents stunning performance, he up... Play fair and share the laughter to a room full of people that needed... Jackie Kennedy lot, but sadly he blew it but the new stamp was not sticking to.! `` Boxers '' we recommend our users to update the browser about 2 0'clock the! ; Houdini & quot ; Chris Rock ( Kill the Messenger ) 9 matter what side you sit.. Replied, No, Miss t know what & quot ; Houdini & quot ; meant I February... Puns for kids - Vol 2 plenty of presidential gaffes that occur on device... Not only chopped down his fathers Cherry tree, but you can never say you! Father? `` do clowns have to relax after a hard Day of work called operation give them full., who demanded a full tank of gas or briefs a zucchini with our first President, who demanded full! Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy & # x27 ; choices. It: he Should have Become an Actor the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. Presidents my favorite annual events Day. Continuous development Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic presidential candidates why do have! I thought it was only evening or briefs may Trump Trump news and bad news for you morning...
April 2
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